Personal Thoughts

Tonight as I am writing I think back to a teacher, I adored while I was in college. She taught me how to put my thoughts onto paper. I do not mean to write an article but to actually reach down inside of ones self and pull out inner feeling and thoughts. I am not an open person. I guess I would say I have a more reserve personality. Therefore, to learn this style of writing was difficult for me. Today's blog is on my feeling, thoughts and memories.

I remember being a young mother watching my newborn son cradled in my arms and thanking God that he has given us such a wonderful gift. The precious baby so tender and small. The fresh scent of a newborn. As he grew, the memories take me to him as baby, toddler, child and now a young man. How precious those memories are of the first steps, the first time he walked and fell. Memories of the first tooth, the last baby tooth and braces. The first time I heard mama. The childhood joys of his first bike ride and first pony ride. The memories of mixed emotions of first day of school and pain of the last day of school. The teenager parents worry over the first girlfriend and the first heartache. His first time he talked to me about joining the ministry. The joy I felt when he decide to be baptized.

In the parallel of him learning, I was learning too. I learned patience. I learned how to function on so little sleep when he cried at night. I learned the true meaning of unconditional love. I learned fear when he sick. I learned to let go some and watch from a distance. I learned how to pray. I learned I could carry a car seat, diaper bag, purse and stroller at the same time. I learned that being a mother was the hardest job but one I would not trade for anything.

Then 10 and half years later God blessed us again with another little boy. Our oldest became a big brother. The day that we told him, he was going to be a big brother, is something that I hope will never leave my memory. His precious face was happy and surprised. The first time he held him. The first time he woke up in the middle of the night because his baby brother was crying and he wanted to sing to him. Yesterday watching as the two of them played. The compassion and love he has for his brother amazes me.

I have always held a special bond with Cody. In many ways, I admire his strength and compassion. He has not been the perfect child. He has stumbled and fallen as we all have. I have not been the perfect mother. That pains me to say. Nevertheless, with God grace I am learning. I am always learning.

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When all of this started with his school and this expulsion, I felt led to read the book of Job. Job had everything taken from him, beaten, sick and in as much despair but not once did he forsaken God. He kept his faith. In the end, his fortune was returned to him. I want to share verse from Job 17 "After darkness I hope for light" We also know that after the darkness we will see light. Praise God for that. Another verse we have had on this blog from the beginning is Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This verse has special meaning to my son. He is the one that brought it to my attention. I had not heard it before but now I see it everywhere.

Watching our sons grow is an experience I would not trade for anything. With each experience has come the power to learn, feel and grow. We learn to crawl, walk and then run. If were lucky we learn to dance. We are learning to dance.